Nadec ch 7: Zlurp

Summary: After saving a man from xlurps, he skips along to her apartment. She ignores him until he stumbles over her cat and discovers then that he has quite some titles behind his name.
When her couch explodes, she skips back to the other realm with Kitty and Pagewyn, where they immediately have to defend themselves against blurghs. A little bit later Nadec has saved the day, again, and cuts Pagewyn out of the ass-thread ball. She decides to stick with him until he’s back in his kingdom, Paralelo, to keep her perfect score. He shows her why he is ‘the master of the Squares, defender of the Triangles, chief of all Lines’. He manages to crack through her guard and she leaves him to be alone in the woods with her emotions. A darkness rams her and she passes out.
When she wakes up, she experiences what it’s like to have a concussion, and finds herself prisoner to a creature and his dragon, Blackie.

Read all the previous chapters here.

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‘I don’t know what a cat is.’ the reverse-coloured xlurp looked at her with a confused expression, pronouncing cat in a funny way. ‘But it’s fair to assume Blackie didn’t eat anything alive. She,’ he emphasised the gender, ‘doesn’t eat living things, she only eats the excrement. And she loves fruit.’

‘She? You called her boy earlier,’ she murmured. ‘Wait, what? The dragon… is… a vegetarian?’ Nadec asked befuddled. She must’ve heard wrong.

‘Vegetirn? Vegtern. Veggenar? Hrrmm. Strange words you use. She only eats fruit, and milk, eggs, poo, and everything else excreted by living things. She doesn’t eat the living things.’

That dragon had just licked her face. Was that shit she smelled? Nadec shook her head in bemusement and denial. That was a mistake. It felt as if a thousand knives stabbed under her skull. Eyes watering, she couldn’t stop herself from whimpering. Her hands wanted to hold her head, as if that would make it better. But they couldn’t move, she was still tied up.

The purple creature frowned and looked at her closer. He then set her down and removed her ties.

‘You don’t look as if you’re capable of escape, princess, so I suppose we can ease it up a bit love.’ Her tear-filled eyes overflowed at the burst of pain coming from her released muscles. Her legs cramped up completely, but the creature didn’t stop what he was doing.

After untying her completely, he brought her wrists together in front of her and bound them there, leaving a long lead. That he tied around his ankle. If ankle you could call a basketball-wide purple piece of a leg. She was glad to have tears streaming over her face. They blurred her vision enough—it was definitely not wearing any cloth over that area.

It wasn’t until she paid attention to the creature’s nudity, that she noticed her own lack of clothes.

‘Where the fuck are my clothes, xlurp?’ She wanted to use her most demanding voice, but it came out as a simpering question. Something was very wrong with her head. The dragon whinnied. It—she—sounded like a dog. I hate dogs, she scowled.

The creature’s face darkened and he—definitely male—put his face up close to Nadec’s, foreheads almost touching. She almost vomited again from the sight. Ridiculous small beady eyes, she would’ve chuckled at that cliché description if she didn’t feel like crap, blinked at her. Ugh, the eyelids were all wrong, they blinked from the left and the right instead of top and bottom. She counted at least 6 pimples, ripe to bursting, whiteheads about to explode.

There was no nose. Well, there was an indent which looked like the imprint of a nose, one hole in the very end, the deepest part of the cavity. The mouth was the worst thing. No visible lips, when he didn’t speak it just looked like a crack in his face, going from ear to ear. Anytime he did speak, it revealed a row of small, sharp teeth at the bottom, and nothing but smooth purple gum at the top. Smooth except for the areas where his own teeth had pierced the skin, causing pink blood to seep out, spreading around.

‘Listen carefully, I shall say this only once,’ he grumbled. On the outside her face remained passive, on the inside she was rolling on the floor laughing. I can’t believe he just gave me a perfect television quote.

‘I am not a xlurp. I am a zlurp. Zzz zzz. Zlurp. Not the same as the other.’ He said that last bit with a pause after each letter, teeth clenched. All of a sudden, he exhaled. In relief? In forced calmness? For whatever reason it was, he blew his breath right in her face. Nadec dry-heaved. That smell was too much.

The zlurp pulled back as quickly as if he got stung. The dragon came closer, tail wagging in anticipation. That damned thing wants me to throw up so she can eat it! The thought made her dry-heave some more. She hadn’t felt this miserable in years.

When her fit finally stopped, she looked up at the zlurp with tears streaming from her eyes, struggling to sit back up. She didn’t stop at that. With a massive effort, she managed to stand. Very unstable, ready to drop down any moment, but she was standing. Agony spread over her muscles, but she didn’t give in.

‘So, zlurp,’ she put as much contempt in that word as she could, ‘where in Frank’s name are my clothes?’ She shut her eyes tight for a second. ‘And my weapon!?’ She opened them again, focused on looking up and not straight forward. Brrhhhrrhhr, what a sight. ‘And why do you keep calling me a princess? Is that like a pet name you call all women? I’ll show you how much I’m not a princess.’

‘Love, you should know by now that you’re my prisoner. I am not giving you any weapons. As for your clothes, here, I’ll show you, follow.’

She had no choice but to follow him or get dragged along. She hated the way her boobs wiggled without her bra. All good and well when she was home alone and didn’t have to walk, but hiking through some kind of forest is a completely different thing. They were huge and painful as well. Stupid period would soon start, damnit.

‘Here you go, princess,’ the zlurp emphasised that last word, his face smug.

Oh no. She couldn’t keep standing and fell hard on her knees. These weren’t clothes. These were scraps of fabric. Useless. This… No. She loved this outfit. He’ll pay for this! Her eyes narrowed and she prepared to jump up. Nadec wasn’t precisely keen to feel the touch of his sticky purple scrotum on her head, but the thought of causing him pain made up for that. Before she could do anything, something zipped passed the corner of her eyes and a wet thump sounded. What the…?

The zlurp grunted quietly, a triangular piece of wood stuck in the cavity of his nose, pink blood dribbled from the tiny gaps. A perfect fit. Nadec’s heart sped up. He’s here, he really is. Then she passed out once more.

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